In this Silent Season

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33). The Lord has instructed me to take care of His business and He will provide for mine. So I find myself in a new season, yet it feels very familiar.  I refer to it as a “silent season”. It is similar to another time a few years back, just before I was healed from chronic depression. A condition I had suffered from since my teens. One that had become so “normal” for me I did not know I was suffering. That season began when a minor event led to a major mental breakdown and I was put on anti-depressants. The medication brought peace, clarity and relief. It also brought an awakening. I had been suffering under the weight of depression most of my life and did not know it! How bizarre to realize that God purposely made me aware of my sickness before He healed me from it!!!
Those two years on medication provided a quiet mind and clarity I could not remember ever experiencing before. During that season I was enabled to dig deep into scripture. I was drawn to the Old Testament and spent those two years studying the history of my faith.  Learning about the story of God’s people and His revelation of Himself to them and ultimately to us felt like the greatest adventure.  I felt like a treasure hunter. I gleaned so much wealth during those years. My faith grew tremendously during that quiet season. God laid a foundation of knowledge and understanding I did not know at the time would be where I would eventually find my purpose. That season ended when God led me off the medication and into His miraculous healing power, a story for another time.

Sevenish years later, I find myself again in a season of silence. Not God’s silence but my own. God has quieted the world around me by closing my businesses and bringing my busyness to an end. Through some major events He has brought a breakthrough. He has led me through very rough waters and calmed a storm in my mind and heart. A new time has come to walk into the next adventure with Him. In this season I find myself again in deep study, this time in the New Testament (an answer to prayer). And this time with a purpose, to finally achieve my dream of attaining a bachelor’s degree.

He has provided the way! He has clearly communicated that He is in this and will provide for us during my time in school. He has graciously allowed me abundant time to spend on my fulltime class load and I am slowly beginning to see what a gift this is. However, I am struggling to sit still. Every day I learn more and more about what Jesus came to earth to do and every day I feel a stronger and stronger compulsion to go out and do! Yet each time I give into this compulsion and run ahead of God, He sweetly stops me and leads me back to the slow, patient, purposeful path He has put before me. I pray I am not wondering off his path again!

In an attempt to quiet the compulsion to go out and share the good news of Jesus, I decided I could blog as an outlet. I could be a witness for the truth of the Gospel and testify to the abundance God has provided in my life during this season from the same location and computer I am doing my studies on. Brilliant! I pray this is God’s will for me during this time and I pray I can encourage others through my testimony.

I wrote the words above a year ago. I never published them. Instead I allowed fear to stop me from jumping into the unknown. I ignored the deep call of God to share the adventure He was leading me on. I gave into doubt and my insecurities and I tucked my words away for safe keeping. Mercifully, God still took me on an adventure. He remained faithful to His promises. He still provided for my family while I fulfilled my long carried dream of achieving a bachelor’s degree. My degree now sits among other cherished items on my writing desk.  Like “Altars of Remembrance” these items serve as reminders of the many wondrous things God has done for me. Things I intend to tell you about.

A year ago I heard a call to share what God has done for me. I am still burdened by it. As the year developed and adventure ensued I became acutely aware of why I was called. It was a BIG year! A year that brought answers to prayers uttered more then 20 years ago. A year that brought miracles and healing. A year that restored relationships and brought hope to relationships yet to be restored. A year that overwhelms me and brings me to tears when I think of how God stepped in. A year that I journaled many days under the title “another day of miracles.” A year full of testimonies. And each time Heaven met earth on my behalf I was reminded that I was called to go and tell.

So here I am and here begins another adventure. This time I am not afraid. This time I will boldly follow where God is leading me. Where is He leading you? What has He called you to? I know you hear it. I know its scary. But lets go together! Lets tell the world of God’s goodness. Lets show the world His love. Lets use the gifts and abilities He has given us for His purposes and His glory. Lets jump!