I cannot recall what day I first realized this virus was coming for us. Initially, it was just a passing thought, like things are getting pretty serious “over there”. I hope we have a plan “here”. But suddenly it was clear this threat was unstoppable. We were going to have to face this pandemic. The uneasiness started with rumors of sick people onboard cruise ships just off our shores. Then we heard of a couple locals who were traveling home from Asia and a friend stuck abroad in Italy. My husband, a first responder, abruptly announced one day that should he get this virus he will die! The truth of that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. You see a few years ago, six to be exact, he contracted valley fever. The impact of this fungal infection has lingered in him and weakened his lung capacity. When he got sick he was in his final days of training for a marathon, his fourth. A feat he has not yet been able to accomplish since. So the threat for him is real. In my past, a statement like that would have sent me into a debilitating battle with anxiety. Fear would have gripped me by the throat and made it impossible to breathe. I gave his statement my attention for a minute and waited for the panic to overtake me, but it did not come. In its place, I heard a whisper in my spirit that beckoned me to sit with the Lord.  

“How blessed is the one who does not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand in the pathway with sinners or sit in the assembly of scoffers! Instead he finds pleasure in obeying the Lord’s commands; he meditates on his commands day and night. He is like a tree planted by flowing streams; it yields its fruit at the proper time, and its leaves never fall off. He succeeds in everything he attempts.” (Psalms 1:1-3, NET)

I am not one to claim a life verse. Life is an adventure. It continuously evolves and progresses as our years pass like sand through an hourglass. My life is not the same today as it was even a month ago (no ones is!). And scripture is alive and constantly discerning my thoughts and the intentions of my heart (Hebrews 4:12). So the idea of choosing one verse to anchor my life to has felt inadequate. Considering the abundance of wisdom in the whole word of God. But, in May of 2014 my sweet husband’s illness marked the beginning of a stormy season that persisted for three years. It was as though a tsunami hit our normally peaceful and happy life. We were drowning. As the flood waters overtook us, Psalms 1:1-3 rose to the surface and gave me something to cling to. Like a life raft of sorts, this piece of scripture kept me afloat. Providing a place to rest and a way to get to shore. “The one who… finds pleasure in obeying the Lord” is blessed. “The one who… meditates on his commands” will succeed. As I sit with the Lord now to seek His rescue once again, the Holy Spirit echoes these words to my heart.

 What a gracious gift we have been given. The gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8). He enables us to hear the truth and guides us in wisdom (John 16:13-15). I have not always been able to discern his leading. Often I fail to even try. Especially when life is easy. And then a trial comes along and exposes how I have neglected my relationship with Jesus. Ignored the Holy Spirit. The reality of my neglect was brought to light in the “3 year flood” of 2014. I found myself utterly devastated. Literally standing on the edge of destruction. Lost in the chaos. I felt abandoned and betrayed, by God! But God fought for me. He met me in my darkness and through his Spirit guided me with truth into the light. As the Holy Spirit reminded me of God’s word (John 14:26) the rising water I feared became streams of nourishment. God’s faithfulness in that stormy season has equipped me for abundance in all seasons. With the Holy Spirit’s help, He taught me to recognize His voice and trust His plan for me. He taught me that His love for me is deep and true. He taught me how to abide in Him. When the flood waters receded, the landscape had completely changed. I had changed. I was given an opportunity to rebuild. But I did not want to rebuild on my own this time. So I waited. I patiently sat with the Lord and through His Holy Spirit He graciously wrote his law on my heart (Jeremiah 31:33). 

Now on the cusp of what I discern is a new season. I have put to good use the lessons I learned from the past. And my faith is put to the test. Our initial fears of the pandemic reaching our shores have come to pass. The news gets worse by the hour. The numbers are reaching inconceivable levels. And my husband’s declaration appears prophetic. I am faced with a choice. Do I let the rising waters overtake me again or do I keep my eyes on Jesus and learn to walk on the water this time. I choose Jesus. I sit with the Lord and I read Psalms 1:1-3. I tell him my fear. I lay my anxiety at His feet. I ask for clarity and for wisdom. I wait. He answers. He does not assure me I will not face this virus in our home. He gives me peace that I most likely will. He does not lead me to hoard supplies for my family. He tells me to share what I have. He does not promise I will not suffer. He reminds me He knows my suffering and will meet me there. He does not rescue me, though I know He can. He strengthens me for the battle ahead. He says to watch for the blessings that will come through this trial. He asks me what I can do to be a blessing. So these are the commands He has given me. This is what I meditate on. I keep my eyes on Jesus. And like a tree planted by a stream, I thrive.