Channie D.

I cannot recall what day I first realized this virus was coming for us. Initially, it was just a passing thought, like things are getting pretty serious “over there”. I hope we have a plan “here”. But suddenly it was clear this threat was unstoppable. We were going to have to face this pandemic. The uneasiness started with rumors of sick people onboard cruise ships just off our shores. Then we heard of a couple locals who were traveling home from Asia and a friend stuck abroad in Italy. My husband, a first responder, abruptly announced one day that should he get this virus he will die! The truth of that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. You see a few years ago, six to be exact, he contracted valley fever. The impact of this fungal infection has lingered in him and weakened his lung capacity. When he got sick he was in his final days of training for a marathon, his fourth. A feat he has not yet been able to accomplish since. So the threat for him is real. In my past, a statement like that would have sent me into a debilitating battle with anxiety. Fear would have gripped me by the throat and made it impossible to breathe. I gave his statement my attention for a minute and waited for the panic to overtake me, but it did not come. In its place, I heard a whisper in my spirit that beckoned me to sit with the Lord.

“How blessed is the one who does not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand in the pathway with sinners or sit in the assembly of scoffers! Instead he finds pleasure in obeying the Lord’s commands; he meditates on his commands day and night. He is like a tree planted by flowing streams; it yields its fruit at the proper time, and its leaves never fall off. He succeeds in everything he attempts.” (Psalms 1:1-3, NET)

I am not one to claim a life verse. Life is an adventure. It continuously evolves and progresses as our years pass like sand through an hourglass. My life is not the same today as it was even a month ago (no ones is!). And scripture is alive and constantly discerning my thoughts and the intentions of my heart (Hebrews 4:12). So the idea of choosing one verse to anchor my life to has felt inadequate. Considering the abundance of wisdom in the whole word of God. But, in May of 2014 my sweet husband’s illness marked the beginning of a stormy season that persisted for three years. It was as though a tsunami hit our normally peaceful and happy life. We were drowning. As the flood waters overtook us, Psalms 1:1-3 rose to the surface and gave me something to cling to. Like a life raft of sorts, this piece of scripture kept me afloat. Providing a place to rest and a way to get to shore. “The one who… finds pleasure in obeying the Lord” is blessed. “The one who… meditates on his commands” will succeed. As I sit with the Lord now to seek His rescue once again, the Holy Spirit echoes these words to my heart.

What a gracious gift we have been given. The gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8). He enables us to hear the truth and guides us in wisdom (John 16:13-15). I have not always been able to discern his leading. Often I fail to even try. Especially when life is easy. And then a trial comes along and exposes how I have neglected my relationship with Jesus. Ignored the Holy Spirit. The reality of my neglect was brought to light in the “3 year flood” of 2014. I found myself utterly devastated. Literally standing on the edge of destruction. Lost in the chaos. I felt abandoned and betrayed, by God! But God fought for me. He met me in my darkness and through his Spirit guided me with truth into the light. As the Holy Spirit reminded me of God’s word (John 14:26) the rising water I feared became streams of nourishment. God’s faithfulness in that stormy season has equipped me for abundance in all seasons. With the Holy Spirit’s help, He taught me to recognize His voice and trust His plan for me. He taught me that His love for me is deep and true. He taught me how to abide in Him. When the flood waters receded, the landscape had completely changed. I had changed. I was given an opportunity to rebuild. But I did not want to rebuild on my own this time. So I waited. I patiently sat with the Lord and through His Holy Spirit He graciously wrote his law on my heart (Jeremiah 31:33).

Now on the cusp of what I discern is a new season. I have put to good use the lessons I learned from the past. And my faith is put to the test. Our initial fears of the pandemic reaching our shores have come to pass. The news gets worse by the hour. The numbers are reaching inconceivable levels. And my husband’s declaration appears prophetic. I am faced with a choice. Do I let the rising waters overtake me again or do I keep my eyes on Jesus and learn to walk on the water this time. I choose Jesus. I sit with the Lord and I read Psalms 1:1-3. I tell him my fear. I lay my anxiety at His feet. I ask for clarity and for wisdom. I wait. He answers. He does not assure me I will not face this virus in our home. He gives me peace that I most likely will. He does not lead me to hoard supplies for my family. He tells me to share what I have. He does not promise I will not suffer. He reminds me He knows my suffering and will meet me there. He does not rescue me, though I know He can. He strengthens me for the battle ahead. He says to watch for the blessings that will come through this trial. He asks me what I can do to be a blessing. So these are the commands He has given me. This is what I meditate on. I keep my eyes on Jesus. And like a tree planted by a stream, I thrive.

In this Silent Season

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33). The Lord has instructed me to take care of His business and He will provide for mine. So I find myself in a new season, yet it feels very familiar. I refer to it as a “silent season”. It is similar to another time a few years back, just before I was healed from chronic depression. A condition I had suffered from since my teens. One that had become so “normal” for me I did not know I was suffering. That season began when a minor event led to a major mental breakdown and I was put on anti-depressants. The medication brought peace, clarity and relief. It also brought an awakening. I had been suffering under the weight of depression most of my life and did not know it! How bizarre to realize that God purposely made me aware of my sickness before He healed me from it!!!
Those two years on medication provided a quiet mind and clarity I could not remember ever experiencing before. During that season I was enabled to dig deep into scripture. I was drawn to the Old Testament and spent those two years studying the history of my faith. Learning about the story of God’s people and His revelation of Himself to them and ultimately to us felt like the greatest adventure. I felt like a treasure hunter. I gleaned so much wealth during those years. My faith grew tremendously during that quiet season. God laid a foundation of knowledge and understanding I did not know at the time would be where I would eventually find my purpose. That season ended when God led me off the medication and into His miraculous healing power, a story for another time.

Sevenish years later, I find myself again in a season of silence. Not God’s silence but my own. God has quieted the world around me by closing my businesses and bringing my busyness to an end. Through some major events He has brought a breakthrough. He has led me through very rough waters and calmed a storm in my mind and heart. A new time has come to walk into the next adventure with Him. In this season I find myself again in deep study, this time in the New Testament (an answer to prayer). And this time with a purpose, to finally achieve my dream of attaining a bachelor’s degree.

He has provided the way! He has clearly communicated that He is in this and will provide for us during my time in school. He has graciously allowed me abundant time to spend on my fulltime class load and I am slowly beginning to see what a gift this is. However, I am struggling to sit still. Every day I learn more and more about what Jesus came to earth to do and every day I feel a stronger and stronger compulsion to go out and do! Yet each time I give into this compulsion and run ahead of God, He sweetly stops me and leads me back to the slow, patient, purposeful path He has put before me. I pray I am not wondering off his path again!

In an attempt to quiet the compulsion to go out and share the good news of Jesus, I decided I could blog as an outlet. I could be a witness for the truth of the Gospel and testify to the abundance God has provided in my life during this season from the same location and computer I am doing my studies on. Brilliant! I pray this is God’s will for me during this time and I pray I can encourage others through my testimony.

I wrote the words above a year ago. I never published them. Instead I allowed fear to stop me from jumping into the unknown. I ignored the deep call of God to share the adventure He was leading me on. I gave into doubt and my insecurities and I tucked my words away for safe keeping. Mercifully, God still took me on an adventure. He remained faithful to His promises. He still provided for my family while I fulfilled my long carried dream of achieving a bachelor’s degree. My degree now sits among other cherished items on my writing desk. Like “Altars of Remembrance” these items serve as reminders of the many wondrous things God has done for me. Things I intend to tell you about.

A year ago I heard a call to share what God has done for me. I am still burdened by it. As the year developed and adventure ensued I became acutely aware of why I was called. It was a BIG year! A year that brought answers to prayers uttered more then 20 years ago. A year that brought miracles and healing. A year that restored relationships and brought hope to relationships yet to be restored. A year that overwhelms me and brings me to tears when I think of how God stepped in. A year that I journaled many days under the title “another day of miracles.” A year full of testimonies. And each time Heaven met earth on my behalf I was reminded that I was called to go and tell.

So here I am and here begins another adventure. This time I am not afraid. This time I will boldly follow where God is leading me. Where is He leading you? What has He called you to? I know you hear it. I know its scary. But lets go together! Lets tell the world of God’s goodness. Lets show the world His love. Lets use the gifts and abilities He has given us for His purposes and His glory. Lets jump!

Storm Ready

Just Jump!